Scared Witless

Up until this moment, I had thought that perhaps my parents were struggling with the idea of their babies going off to University. I had thought that they were being trivial and stressing unnecessarily. They weren’t. As it turns out, this whole time, my parents have been scared witless. That’s what I’ve come to think, anyways. My parents are scared because here I am, heading off into this whole new world. A world they haven’t seen.

I’m heading into this place that barely seems tangible to them. A place full of surprise and danger – a place where they have little control in my life. Imagine how it must be for God – when He sees us walking into a situation where He has no control? Of course, He always has control, but He loves us enough to let us decide whether we want to give it to Him or not. Imagine just having to sit by and accept that your child is now doing their own thing, imagine knowing that they are out of reach. I don’t want to be like that. To be honest – the idea of it scares me. It makes me feel like a child, where all I want to do is run to my parents and cry in their arms; tell them that I don’t want to do this on my own and that they mustn’t let me. I don’t want to become out of reach! Not to my parents and especially not to God! I don’t want to exclude them just because I’ve found a new playground; on the same note I don’t want to exclude God because I’m ‘finding my own life’. He should be my life.

This blog article isn’t one of those clichéd Christian ‘conviction’ pieces where I’m trying to convince you to give Him full control. This is me telling you that I am so scared that I might not do that! I am actually fearful of the idea of running away from Him. Just as I am of forgetting to include my parents in my life. It scares me because I risk alienating the most important influences in my life. This isn’t one of those ‘I have recognised the issue and may now prevent it’ type articles, but rather one of those ‘I have recognised the possibility of this issue and I am scared I will not be able to prevent it’ type articles. Yet, I find comfort in the parable of the lost son (for further reading and perhaps a clearer understanding as to why I find comfort in this parable, read Luke 15:11-32). I can only hope university can make a better person out of me, where I do not lose sight of God or my family. If I stray, I can only hope that those who love me will patiently wait as I make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. Either way, I know I’ve got some challenges and changes up ahead. This is about Taking Courage to a whole new level.

“Waste days in foreign places,

Shed light on your better side,

Reassure me that you’ll wait for me.

Wait for me, as long as it takes.”

                                                – Ellie Goulding