Still A Baby

Sometimes I feel like I'm still a child - a baby! Seriously - it's like you get to this age where suddenly you're expected to know everything - and if not everything, then at least something of relevance. It's weird - I've spent my whole life thinking I know enough (some friends might argue that I think I know too much) but I've hit this wall where I realise I don't know anything. I wish I was only referring to Science, but I'm not. I'm referring to relationships; how people work; my faith.

I mean, I know the basics: I believe in the One and Only - A Great God who sent His only Son to die for this sin-soaked species known as man. I know that sometimes I get angry at Him and I question Him and sometimes I even have the audacity to turn my back on him and yet He still takes me back every time. I know that He loves me - even though I can't understand why... But I don't know how to serve Him as much as I'd like to! I feel like this little child that has all these things to say, yet doesn't have the vocab yet - you know what I mean? Like, all I want to do is say "Give me more of that delicious puree that you love serving in arb aeroplane-inspired ways!" but all I can say is... Well, nothing. All I can really do is cry, because I haven't got the words yet, only a means of expression.

It's as though I'm limited to this environment where I'd love to serve him but can't find the right means of doing so. I mean - what am I supposed to be doing? Is it something nice like "feeding the baby" - where I'm ministering in little ways? Or is this like a "change-the-nappy" kind of thing where I'm supposed to change my life (I'm not saying my life may be compared to a nappy, by the way)? I guess these questions are all answered over time, but sometimes - being an impatient little kid - I can't quite stand the idea of waiting for an answer...I just feel as though I need to be something more. Don't you ever feel like that?

Perhaps that's what it comes down to.I do need to be something more. I can't just keep in sitting around waiting for an opportunity to serve Him... I've got to make or find opportunities, I guess they're everywhere! It's jut about taking innitiative, being less like a child and more like an adult...

I guess I should take my own advice and Take Courage.